I don’t even know what I should write today but I just felt like I should follow through with my declarations from yesterday’s post.
I did have boba after I wrote yesterday’s post. Yay! It was so sunny and warm when I walked out of my apartment that I felt so silly I didn’t even know how nice the weather was because I was busy sulking at home.
I got the large almond milk tea with boba. They gave me way too many bobas…so many calories! Whatevers. Later I walked towards the target that is only a block away and bought almond milk since I have so many cereal boxes lying around at my place. I don’t remember why this annoyed me so much but this old white grandpa, who was giving out target newsletter type of thingies, didn’t give me one. He gave it to the girl who was pushing her cart into the store but he just looked at me and didn’t even offer. I probably would’ve said no thank you anyways but it was annoying. Psh.
After I came home, I took a few hours trying to come up with what I should say to my parents about why I turned off my phone. At first, I thought of stupid excuses - i.e. lies - like “oh i lost my phone” or “my new smart phone was distracting”. But I just decided to tell them the truth - that I didn’t wanna talk to anyone the last few days. I know it sounds totally immature and irresponsible but that is how I really felt :/ When I finally got around calling my mom, I just started crying. I have a habit of bottling up my feelings, just thinking and worrying. I just felt so bad talking to my parents because I let them down. My mom told me that I shouldn’t worry about what they thought because my life is my life. But i know my mom way too well to know that she is disappointed that I turned out this way. I felt like she was telling me that because she wanted me to feel better. Anyway, my mom tried to come talk to me in person but I told her she didn’t need to. In the end, we agreed that I should just focus on finishing up my classes and nothing else.
I just really need a break to think things through.
God, help me.
Today, I shall:
1. Go talk to a counselor.
2. Figure out what to do with my last final paper. Email professor.
3. Write all the schedules down to my scheduler.
4. Buy books and read them!!
5. Re-think about the road trip with friends.
6. Read the Bible and memorize a verse.
7. Pray for at least 10 minutes.
8. Learn a new praise song on guitar.
9. Text the person moving in if she wants to buy any stuff of mine.